when the pursuit ends

I remember crying while watching The Pursuit of Happyness when I was 13. The movie was about a guy who was deeply unhappy with where his life was at, and for good reason. He had no real job, and thus no money. He had marital issues, didn’t have the finances to support his kid, and was also getting evicted from his apartment. The thing is, he didn’t grow up irresponsibly. He was always top of his class growing up and extremely hard working overall, but he still ended up in this position. The moment that made me cry was when they were removed from their apartment and forced to spend the night in a subway washroom, and that was when I felt genuine sadness.

In the movie, we see him working tirelessly to get a high paying job, so that he can finally live comfortably. In the end, that’s exactly what he achieves, and that's when we see him feel true happiness for the first time. I think reflecting back on the movie now that I’m older, I understand the cause of that happiness to a much deeper level. His happiness did not stem from the inevitable money or respect he would gain from getting the job, it was from him knowing he would never have to get his kid to sleep in a subway washroom ever again.

However, one thing that doesn’t sit right with me now though was the notion of “the pursuit of happiness”. I do believe in many cases, happiness is definitely something that must be actively pursued. Societally, we’ve accepted the ideology of working hard now, and that hard work will pay off later. I think this is an extremely dangerous mindset, and people lean into it too much. As we grow up, we’re taught to put our head down and work as hard as we can, even if that makes us unhappy and depressed, just because it’ll (hopefully) pay off in the end. When will we ever accept that now is the time we can take time for ourselves? 65? Will we still be surrounded by the same people that we want to celebrate our hard work with by then?

What I’ve learned is that happiness should not always be a pursuit, though I feel that society has made it feel like it should be. We feel that happiness can only be a reward of hard work. We tell people that life gets better after school, life gets better after their kids grow up a bit. Though it's true some people live in terrible situations, such as the man from the movie, and so in that case happiness is genuinely a pursuit, but I feel that this does not need to be the case for everyone. We need the distinction between someone pursuing basic security because their life is genuinely unbearable vs. the average person that continuously postpones happiness despite already having the opportunities to enjoy life.

I’m not sure what caused it exactly, but one day I just noticed I was genuinely happy. It was really weird to think about, it feels like such a simple concept, but I thought to myself, “I’m happy with where I am and what I’m doing in life”. For me, it was simply because I did things I truly enjoyed doing. I really leaned into my interests; instead of what I was told “mattered more”. I began running, which felt especially good because I stopped playing my childhood sport soccer. I got an electric drumset, and fell more in love with music in general. I started connecting with my friends more. Happiness was the little things: seeing the sky painted a radiant orange while running to jazz, my dad filling up my gas without being asked, or singing along to my favourite music while driving to work. I realized sometimes life is just not that serious.

Find time to do things you enjoy. Take your time and appreciate the now, while also setting things up for the future that you can look forward to. One of my main sources of happiness at the time was training for my half marathon, and going on my trip to Banff. These were events that were going to happen in the future, and I can live my day knowing that something enjoyable and exciting is coming up. Even if my day wasn’t great, I have an event that I know will bring me happiness. This could be as small as just setting up a time to hangout with friends you haven’t talked to in a while.

However, It's important to lean into your interests while acknowledging that certain things are inevitably necessary, i.e. getting a job even if it isn't the most fun. One thing that gave me clarity was reflecting back on what actually makes me happy. Personally, I always thought getting a job I enjoy going to everyday would make me most happy, but I realized to an extent, at least for my own interests, it's rare and unrealistic. I’m not going to maximize my happiness now by doing my real passion of joining a band as a drummer and traveling the world because I’m much better as an engineer than a drummer and I’ll probably make more money being an engineer. I’ll always have the worry of will I be financially well off. I understand that my true goal for doing what I do is make money to give as much to my kids as I can, and have fun while doing it. Therefore, doing something I would probably enjoy slightly less (being an engineer vs a drummer), was worth it because I knew I would be more financially well off and I can give my kids everything they need. And so that does not mean every decision I make is for my immediate enjoyment, it's also understanding that sometimes a less exciting choice is what’s necessary to support the life and relationships that matter much more to me.

Sometimes happiness is not something we need to pursue at all. It begins when we allow ourselves to do the things that already make life feel worthwhile. This concept seems so trivial, but I feel that more people don't do it than someone would realize. For example, school does matter and studying is important, but I’ve learned that I benefit significantly more from studying 3 hours and 3 hours of a hobby vs. studying for 6. My GPA won’t be as high but I would feel significantly more satisfied with my life doing this. The balance is crucial.

And so in the end, the takeaway is that it is not selfish to do things that provide happiness in the present. Happiness does not always need to be a pursuit. It does not have to look like grinding 24/7 depressed doing something you hate, especially when it really is optional. A good life is preparing for the future without treating the present as disposable. Go to work, but take that trip you’ve always been wanting to go to. It’ll give you something to look forward to. Study for a bit, but take a few hours to go out and get a nice dinner with friends. Not only will your future self appreciate it, your present self will as well.

Let yourself be happy now.